Don’t marry him if…

Insightful tips to save you from a marriage with regrets

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By Laju Iren

Everybody will tell you that husbands are scarce. So if someone wants to marry you? Ha! You have to do everything possible to keep that man. But do you know what the bible says, that a good wife, a virtuous woman is hard to find. Dear sister, I’m not asking you to be pompous or picky. But I’m tired of seeing sisters who, for sheer desperation from waiting, rush to marry the wrong person. Here are some ideas on what such a person might look like:

1. He has anger issues

Even the calmest of people will have their patience tested in marriage, how much more someone with anger issues. Marriage will not change him; if he has the capacity to repent from his anger issues, let him do it now, long before the marriage. Please don’t marry someone who no one can talk to when he’s angry. He will alienate you from your family and friends so much so that when he mistreats you in marriage, there’ll be no one to have your back. Also, don’t marry someone that doesn’t see the value in you.

2. He thinks money can buy you

There is nothing wrong with marrying a rich man, but a man who thinks his money can buy you doesn’t really respect you. You might enjoy the fact that he spoils you and takes you to exotic locations, but someone with such a mindset would expect you to understand when there are other women in the picture, after all, he has enough money to go round. He also may not support you if you want to start a business, get a job or do something worthwhile.

 

3. His mama don’t like you

In this particular case, there are no absolutes. If his mother doesn’t like you, but he has a mind of his own, isn’t a mama’s boy and can protect you from her, then you’re good. If however, he is a mama’s boy and his mother does not like you…hmmn… that’s a red flag; one that isn’t going to go away when you get married.

 

4. He dunno the Lord

Dear Christian sister, if he is not a born again Christian, don’t marry him, no matter how well behaved he might be. I don’t mean the kind of guy that is simply a Christian for the purpose of the relationship. I mean a real Christian who loves the Lord. Your role in a marriage is to submit. You’re safer submitting to someone who is himself submitted to God in the first place.

5. He’s lazy

Please don’t marry a lazy man. For someone to be husband material, he doesn’t necessarily have to be rich. But he has to be hardworking. Don’t marry a lazy man who is interested in fast money or get rich quick schemes. He’ll run you into trouble…very quickly. If you don’t know where he is getting his money from, don’t marry him.

6. He is unfaithful

If he is unfaithful, or thinks that faithfulness is a myth. Please don’t marry him. There are faithful men out there; for the sake of your physical, spiritual and emotional health, please wait for one of them, thank you very much.

7. He lacks honour

If he does not honour his parents, pastors or elders, he is still a boy. And marriage is not for boys. Marry someone who is accountable to people you also respect.

8 He doesn’t love you

Don’t marry someone who does not love you. To accurately follow this point, your definition of love must be correct. Don’t conclude that someone does not love you simply because he refuses to spend his entire life savings on buying you expensive shoes. Define love the bible way; it is patient, kind, easy to be entreated, not arrogant or boastful, sacrificial; a picture of Christ and the church.

9. He is committed to someone else

If he is married or still involved with someone else, he is not the one for you. It doesn’t matter whether he says he does not love that person as much as he loves you. Always remember that marriage is not an appointment you can keep when you have already outstanding commitments.

10. His family and close friends are not in support

Of course, some family members can be a real pain, and refuse to be there for their loved ones for selfish reasons. That happens sometimes. However, when the family or close friends of your beloved keep throwing hints to suggest he might not be good for you, that is a good sign to stop and investigate properly before going forward.

What else do you think ladies to watch out for when considering who not to marry. Please share with us in the comments section! If you have questions related to this article or anything at all, share in the comments section or email me at lajuiren@lajuiren.com.

26 Comment

  1. Esosa says: Reply

    Very insightful! Thanks ma.
    Dont marry if he doesn’t love others. Before marriage it may be rosy and pleasant but how does he treat the next person who he doesn’t necessarily look up to? Understand that you would be the ‘next person’ every day when the rosy feelings wither in the winter and the butterflies in his stomach pack out.

    1. Laju Iren says: Reply

      Thank you Esosa. You are so right!

  2. Emmanuel Iren says: Reply

    Good stuff darling

    1. Laju Iren says: Reply

      Thanks Sweety

  3. Funmi Oyegbade Adeleke says: Reply

    Nice perspective Laju! Too bad some people don’t want the truth cuz they are blinded by “love” and desperation has clouded their judgement! Thumbs up!

    1. Laju Iren says: Reply

      Dearest Funmi, thank you and congratulations on your wedding. God bless your home

  4. tobi says: Reply

    I agree.

  5. Hephzibah says: Reply

    And my Baby passes all 10 and more… *Dancing*

    1. Laju Iren says: Reply

      Interesting Hephzibah. When do we get to meet him? heheheh

  6. Praise says: Reply

    Pastor Lajuuuu!
    Thank you… Thank you… Thank you.

    1. Laju Iren says: Reply

      Thank you Praise

  7. Jyeesmuis says: Reply

    Pastor Laju iyeeee…
    it is well with you… thank you so much…
    Love is a choice, Marriage is a choice, Single ladies like me be careful when making this choice, cause the Jesus way of marriage is the like Christ like Church way. No divorce.
    thank you maam.

  8. Emerald says: Reply

    If he doesn’t see sex before marriage as a sin, don’t marry him!!!!…
    Wondeeful advice ma’am… U always blow my mind EVERYTIME… God bless u!

  9. Adetoun Jegede says: Reply

    I’d make sure to share this with every Single lady I can reach! Very profound!! Well done dear…

  10. Ejimadu Chioma says: Reply

    Great piece of advice and it well taken

  11. Jesimiel NWANORO says: Reply

    Very , very real & True….infact this is soo Well- written. On the other hand, please post the Other Version ( Don’t Marry Her if)

  12. Nkechi okocha says: Reply

    thanks much pastor Laju..
    Don’t marry him if you are not ready emotionally,spiritually..etc.. cos u might end up being the issue..

    1. Laju Iren says: Reply

      Very true Nkechi. Very, very true

      1. Tiyati mujong says: Reply

        Please how do you know you are emotionally and spiritually ready for marriage maam.pls can i get ur email

        1. Laju Iren says: Reply

          Hi Tiyati, its lajuiren@lajuiren.com, but please copy lajuiren@gmail.com. Concerning your question, I have done quite a number of posts on it such as ‘Before you marry’ among others. You can check them out here. http://www.lajuiren.com/category/marriage/page/2/. However you can email me personally if you stil have questions.

  13. Funmi Makinde says: Reply

    This blessed me so much. Resounding reminders! God bless your heart Laju!

  14. Temitope says: Reply

    Am deeply blessed on virtues I should build as I prepare to raise a godly home. God bless you Mrs Iren

  15. Sherie says: Reply

    Thanks for sharing.

  16. Deby says: Reply

    Thank you very much Laju, this is wonderful. I just want to add my 2 pence (or kobo)
    In addition, Don’t marry him if he’s stingy and secondly, if he’s unkind to those whom he can’t benefit from. e.g. How does he treat the waiter when you go out? Soon that would be how he’d treat you.
    If a guy is stingy, (doesn’t give to you and/or his family especially) even now that he isn’t married to you, it won’t get better in marriage. He doesn’t have to buy you the latest car or phone or designer bag. But if he isn’t willing to spare you something, (no matter how small) from the little he has, then you need to think again about that marriage.
    Lemme just say again for emphasis that it isn’t in the cost, but in the thought.

  17. Ojeh Gabriella says: Reply

    This is amazing! There’s about a thousand things I want TV to ask and say, but that’s not possible. 😃

  18. Ilesanmi ifeoluwa says: Reply

    most ladies see the obvious but they still go aged with the relationship. but why? God help us all amen.

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